Friday, November 23


Trip is less then a week ahead, I am really looking forward of it, though I have no clue of what to expect, though I expect to have fun... I can at least reassure myself of having a good time with Nanz. So much to do before that... :-s

Besides from that, my parents have decided to call me by “Bushra” again, an attempt of Ammu from when I was four. As she wasn’t much fond of the name Shakia (given by Abbu) so she gave me an unregistered “middle name”. The Bushra period lasted about a year or so, but leaving some marks, precisely leaving two family friends calling me that even now. Recently my mum spoke to one of them and the name Bushra is back on my parent’s lips. My dad is suggesting me to change my name to Bushra S. Khan, according to him “it might bring changes in me”. It’s like chopping off my heart and putting someone else’s in my body.
All these years I’ve been in frustration with my name, people give me the looks by reading/saying Shakia. Times when always a long silence came before uttering my name, which was often pronounced wrong. And having at least a 5 minutes discussion about it. For some reason my name has been a beginning for great conversations with strangers.
After Shakira got into MTV, people started to call me Shakira than Chiqita (don’t ask me, but yes there have been people calling me that).
But now I love my name more than anything, it’s who I am.

Friday, November 9

Ode to my Old Xanga account: Sifar

What I hate the most, is whenever I come back to my Xanga I can't sit and read my former posts. Because of some certain person has erased it. I hate that 3 years of my life was so easy to erase, just by clicking delete. I hate that I was stupid enough to trust.

Sometimes I do wonder what I wrote or what I was thinking, maybe there were times in my life where the current I can't remember of. Even though it was texts, still it feels like a part of me just vanished. Does it sound corny when I say I miss my old Xanga account? Even after 3 years?

Sunday, July 15

3:07 am

Why do we watch movies or read books? Is it an escape from reality, into fantasy?

Some would say that it's about relating one self in various environments and situations. Is this kind of media good? Yes, you have a better sense in language and you might learn things. But then again, isn't books and movies setting some kind of unwritten rules to how to live life, starting with something every simple, blowing up to a big complicated bubble and then in the end, though the earth just exploded and you are floating through dark space alone, there is some kind of happy ending?

I realized I should stop comparing real life with fiction, no matter how realistic it sounds. Fiction is man made crap, while life is a twist of destiny, faith and will power. Though generally both sucks in the end...

Readers be aware of that this post excludes any sort of fact books or learning documentaries, strict fantasy and fiction.

Saturday, July 14

O.C. a cure for insomnia?!

It's nearly 4 am and I am still awake with a "I-woke-up-by-the-garbage-can-on-a-park-bench" hair due. Just managed to watch 6 episodes of O.C and 2 1/2 episodes of Grey's anatomy and I don't feel much more then totally wasted and hung over.

All day I have been feeling tinny whinny bit of asthmatic, alright I admit. My brain has been craving and still is craving for fresh oxygen and not the air going through a slimy gue stuck in my throat! I am out of medication and I can't call my doctor during the weekend unless I go to the emergency. And then again we are talking about me... don't think so!

Maybe the brains reacting to the lack of oxygen, which has put me to a serious case of "blue". I am a person who mostly like to talk out my problems, but during my blue period I tend to get overly depressed which leads to insomnia. Do I even make sense?!

I have had my periods of books, Bollywood even Grey's during insomnia, but first time in my life I turn to O.C thinking that I just might fall asleep! No I manage to watch 6 maybe 7 (I am not keeping count) of episodes. Though thinking how I annoyed I got through the 1st, 2nd and 3rd season, it's a miracle knowing that I managed to watch the 4th and the final season and even liking it! Is it because of the lack of oxygen? We might never get to know! But I just realized I am Taylor. A mentally twisted person with good intentions. Just thar she is a super controlfreak and I am a rather super uncontrolled freak?

Anyway forgive me for the text above... this is the closest thing to DRUNK I will ever get.

Wednesday, July 11

The way I am...

I am obsessed with the song The way I am- Ingrid Michealson, so I did own my version of the lyrics!

If you were hungry, then I would cook you biryani.
You need a glass, I'd pour you pani.

Cuz I love the way you say "Where's my dinner?".
And you take me the way I am.

If you are warm, I'll turn on the AC.
Your neck is aching, I'd put balm. (Tiger balm)

Cuz I love the way you call me "Bodhu".
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you patches when you stop smoking.
Caress your head while getting bald.

Cuz I love you more than I love saris.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

Monday, July 9

What a Mess!

My baby is broken, not only it's the L key, which I have to copy paste most of the time... but it's also the charger and the battery...
So is it time to buy a new one?!

I've realised I blog in my mind more then I blog in real. I always think of updating and writing something really creative.. but I hardly get through it. So many projects half done! And the summer is just getting shorter for everyday!
I am really starting to worry about my future like my mum... it's all cloudy.

Ps. I updated Mayaboti after ages!

Friday, June 1

The Story of L key

Once upon a time in the Kingdom far North there was a very lazy princess named S. One day of getting bored of doing nothing she decided it was high time for her to clean her castle. She dusted and dusted with her small little green rag and then she swiped and swiped with her Miele vacuum cleaner. Her tender soft hands were getting dirty, but she didn't mind as long as she knew she was doing a good job and there is always something called a manicure.

She cleaned every corner in her Kingdom, but noticed that her little grey Dell box was full of dust, specially underneath the key...
So she started to loosen one key after another to reach the dust, but then she noticed that something dreadful has happened!!! She had broken her L key!!! Oh, what now?! She tried and tried and tried a little more to put it back. She even looked up if there was a new one to buy. No Luck the L key was broken for good...
What to do now? She cried and cried with misery, how could she been so dumb! One whole day of ranting and worrying, she got it!

She took the magic glue and put a bit on the key well as the keyboard and said the magic words: "ABRA-CA-DABRA!" Now everything was back to normal, and the princess were happily ever after until.... Opss!!

Thursday, May 31

Starting of Adrian Mole and the Weapons if Mass Destruction by Sue Townsend

Private and Confidential
The Right Honourable
Tony Blair MP, QC

10 Downing Street
London SW1A
Wisteria Walk
Ashby de la Zouch

September 29th 2002

Dear Mr Blair
You may remember me – we met at the Norwegian Leather Industry reception at the House of Commons in 1999. Pandora Braithwaite, now the Junior Minister for Brownfield Regeneration, introduced us, and we had a brief conversation about the BBC during which I opined that The Corporation’s attitude towards provincial scriptwriters was disgraceful. Unfortunately, you were called away to attend to some urgent matter on the far side of the room.
I am writing to thank you for warning me about the imminent threat to Cyprus posed by Saddam Hussein’s Weapons of Mass Destruction.
I had booked a week’s holiday at the Athena Apartments, Paphos, Cyprus, for the first week of November for me and my eldest son at a total cost of £571 plus airport tax. My personal travel advisor Johnny Bond, of Latesun Ltd, demanded a deposit of £57.10, which I paid to him on September 3rd. Imagine my alarm when I turned on the television the next day and heard you telling the House of Commons that Saddam Hussein could attack Cyprus with his Weapons of Mass Destruction within forty-five minutes!
I immediately rang Johnny Bond and cancelled the holiday. (With only forty-five minutes’ warning, I could not risk being on the beach and out of earshot of a possible Foreign Office announcement.)
My problem is this, Mr. Blair. Latesun Ltd are refusing to refund my deposit unless I furnish them with proof:
that Saddam Hussein has a stockpile of Weapons of Mass Destruction,
that he can deploy them within forty-five minutes, and
that the can reach Cyprus.
Johnny Bond, who was, according to his colleagues, ‘away from his desk’ yesterday (I suspect that he was on the Stop the War march), has dared to question the truth of your statement to the House!
Would it be possible to send a handwritten note confirming the threat to Cyprus, so that I can pass it on to Johnny Bond and therefore retrieve my deposit? I can ill afford to lose £57.10.
I remain, sir,
Adrian Mole
PS I wonder if you would ask your wife, Cherie, if she would agree to be the guest speaker at the Leicestershire and Rutland Creative Writing Group’s Literary Dinner on December 23rd this year. Will Shelf has turned us down – rather curtly, in fact. We don’t pay a fee or expenses but I think she would find us a lively and stimulating group.
Anyway, Mr. Blair, keep up the good work.

Wednesday, May 16

**Days before Exam

  • You remember to clean your room
  • You remember to rearrange your entire wardrobe
  • You get more creative ideas that you just have to do it as if it was the last day in earth
  • You remember you have to call your friend after 5 months
  • You remember that there is a book lying and waiting for you to read
  • You remember to drink zillion glasses of water/cups of coffee, tea or even both.
  • You remember to help your mum with something she asked a month ago
  • Suddenly all the interesting series seems to broadcast in TV, even though you never follow them.
  • You go to the bathroom every ten minutes, even if it was just to look yourself at the mirror.
  • Your hands/feet/lips gets completely dry, need lotion/Vaseline!!
  • Shower twice a day sounds great, maybe even more.
  • You sort your e-mail box
  • *Yawn* And it's only 9pm
  • You crave for food every half an hour, but then you never eat.
  • You fantasize about your dream holiday/house/wedding/carrier/man
  • You socialize more with family.
  • You remember to update your blog!!!!

**This implies only certain type of people

Thursday, March 29

The Boatman - Nitin Shawney :: Human

Dhaka Boatman
Originally uploaded by David Hall Photography.

Baroshekar aador mekhe
Bheshe elam sagor theke
Balir toteh notun deesha

Adhar theke alor mesha
Batash bhora bhalobasha
Ke kandare baicho toree aral theke

(Something) caressed with love
I drifted ashore from the sea
The sand shows a new way

The light blends with the darkness
The wind is full of love
Who are you boatman who paddles this boat, whom i cannot see

Saturday, March 24

Why I love my friends!

Parts of conversations with Guju S about Cricket world cup. Had to censor a lot!

Session Start: den 19 mars 2007

(17:05) Shakia: we f**king beat india in cricket!!!
(17:06) Shakia: SOOOOOO GOOD
(17:06) Shakia: HAHAHAHAHHA

(21:38) Guju S: wow
(21:38) Guju S: watch your language!
(21:38) Shakia: :P
(21:38) Shakia: I mean it was freaking good
(21:38) Guju S: whatever
(21:38) Guju S: India should have won
(21:38) Shakia: should have won?
(21:38) Guju S: you know india is the better team

Session Start: den 21 mars 2007

(04:09) Guju Si: how'd it go?
(04:09)Guju S: oh India beat Burma!
(04:09) Shakia has signed-in (Away)
(04:09) Shakia: bermuda
(04:09) Shakia: not burma

Session Start: den 23 mars 2007
(05:21) Guju S: hey india's record is better than bangladesh's
(05:22) Shakia: still bangladesh beat india
(05:22) Shakia: lol
(05:22) Guju S: !
(05:22) Guju S still india is doing better
(05:22) Guju S: and BD is going to lose their next game
(05:22)Guju S: at least thats what people think
(05:22) Shakia: no they are not
(05:22) Shakia: tomorrow indias losing
(05:23) Guju S: lol india is going to destroy
(05:23) Guju S: go Rahul Dravid!

(05:39) Guju S: if india loses im not signing on for 6 months
(05:39) Guju S: i dont want to hear it from you
(05:39) Shakia: :P
(05:40) Shakia: :P
(05:40) Shakia: I am not saying anything
(05:40) Shakia: by the way see you in six months
(05:41) Guju S: haha
(05:41) Guju S: very clever
(05:41) Guju S: for Bangali
(05:41) Guju S: HAHA
(05:41) Shakia: please gujrati

(21:40) Shakia: bye bye
(21:40) Shakia: 6 months
(21:40) Shakia: no see
(21:41) Shakia: EAT MY TUSH!
(21:41) Shakia: :D
(21:41) Guju S: YOU ARE GROSS
(21:41) Shakia: HAHAHA
(21:41) Guju S: :'(
(21:41) Shakia: loser ki bachha

(21:48) Guju S: i want to slap you shakia
(21:48) Shakia: lol
(21:48) Shakia: lol
(21:49) Guju S: if i ever meet you, im going to slap you before
(21:49)Guju S: before i do anything else
(21:49) Shakia: HAHAHA
(21:49) Shakia: :D

(21:54) Guju S: what happens if BD loses?
(21:54) Shakia: ok
(21:54) Shakia: waiting
(21:54) Guju S: huh?
(21:54) Shakia: then india gets to the super 8s
(21:54) Guju S: so BD has to lose
(21:54) Shakia: yes
(21:54) Guju S: hmm so its not all over
(21:55) Shakia: do you think bd will lose over bermuda?
(21:55) Guju S: if they lose all their cricket bats
(21:55) Guju S: im gonna have to find a way to steal the BD teams bats
(21:55) Guju S: so they cant play
(21:55) Shakia: cricket bats?
(21:55) Shakia: LOL
(21:55) Shakia: good luck
(21:55) Shakia: :P
(21:56) Guju S: i am going to hit you
(21:56) Guju S: screw slapping
(21:56) Guju S: im going to punch you when i meet you
(21:56) Shakia: :D
(21:56) Shakia: :P
(21:56) Shakia: LOL
(21:56) Guju S: :@

Later on Guju S's msn banner: Don't associate with Shakia Khan, she is evil

Saturday, March 17

Victory to TIGERS! Grrrrr!

Bangladesh won!! Joss joss, lafaite iche kortese... Unfortunatly I didn't get the chance to watch the whole game (at one point I was about to cry) as I was at a dawat and their internet wasn't working properly. In the end I managed to listen to 10 mins before ending; Me, bhaia and baba was standing in front of my laptop which I made bhaia go and get as theirs wasn't working properly.
195/5 (overs:48.3) to India 191/all out (overs49.3), so good so good!!

Wednesday, March 14

Healthy life costs!

Originally uploaded by notchet.
Weight: X kg
Over flowing fat: 5 kg
X kg-5 kg= A Perfect body!

So the other day I left home with the mental preparation of joining the gym, as I was set on changing my lazy lifestyle to a much more healthier one. Not that I consider myself fat or obese, it's just over the years I haven't had any sort of physical activity, plus I realised that I actually never have been thin, always been a bit of bulky here and there, which is nothing to complain over. But now I want to try the thin side of the world, plus a Homer gut's starting to show.

So as I walk into one of the local chain gyms in Sweden, no point in joining those fancy gyms down town as I am the laziest person ever existed, I could smell the sweaty armpits and the sweaty socks from miles (Ok, ok, I am overacting now), the typical gym smell. Which instantly put me to a very uncomfortable mood, reminding me of my handball periods, where I practically forced myself to go to every training and game, even fasting or being just sick.
Anyway walking up to the counter expecting a very muscular, wannabe Mr. Universe clerk, instead a grey haired man with big Santa gut comes.

So asking him how much it will cost monthly, he enlightens me that they have no monthly policy, one have to buy full one years membership! HA! As if I am going to go everyday for a year. And the price! Ridiculous! Disappointingly I just told him I'll think about it and got out.

I ended up in Stadium, buying myself a pair of track pants and a sweat shirt. And looking around I find a pilates DVD. Yes, now I'll put on my pilates DVD and become master of pilates! Yay! (As if that's going to work!!)
So at the counter of the shop I notice that they are having a lottery for one years membership at the gym I went to! Why not lets try out my luck!!

Guess what?! A guy calls me up yesterday and asks me to come by the gym tomorrow! But I don't understand, he didn't name anything about winning one years membership, just said try out. I am confused...

Edit @ 15th March 00:35 am

Some encouraging words from GujuS in Msn after showing the pilates DVD:

Guju S says:
as if you're going to do that
Guju S says:
you'll put it in and watch it while eating ice cream
Guju S says:
knowing you

*Hmmpf...* Thank YOU!

Tuesday, March 13

Up, up, up!

Originally uploaded by matt.ohara.
After a week of flue and snowstorm, things seems to lighten up: Mood, health and weather wise.
So as you guys have noticed I've done some changes on the layout and more changes are to come. But I guess this is a good base to start writing on.

If I summarise the winter, then basically I've been bumming. I've hit the bottom and now I'm much more keener on climbing my way up and out of the awful glass bottle.
I've been thinking back and forth about what to write in my blog, cause it's a shame of wasting such a nice blog (Yes! I am bragging now!) specially when I've wasted so much time in this before.
So I guess from now on I'm going to write more about me, even though it makes me seem/feel self-centred. But the only thing I know to write about is myself...

Monday, February 26

Under Construction!

In my dreadful orange sweater, half open mouth unable to breathe through my nostrils with a temperature barely over 27C, decide to do something about my blog.
Everytime I come here to update, I find myself redirecting to another site because of my layout.
InshAllah I'll be back soon with a new layout and a better health!