Thursday, May 31

Starting of Adrian Mole and the Weapons if Mass Destruction by Sue Townsend

Private and Confidential
The Right Honourable
Tony Blair MP, QC

10 Downing Street
London SW1A
Wisteria Walk
Ashby de la Zouch

September 29th 2002

Dear Mr Blair
You may remember me – we met at the Norwegian Leather Industry reception at the House of Commons in 1999. Pandora Braithwaite, now the Junior Minister for Brownfield Regeneration, introduced us, and we had a brief conversation about the BBC during which I opined that The Corporation’s attitude towards provincial scriptwriters was disgraceful. Unfortunately, you were called away to attend to some urgent matter on the far side of the room.
I am writing to thank you for warning me about the imminent threat to Cyprus posed by Saddam Hussein’s Weapons of Mass Destruction.
I had booked a week’s holiday at the Athena Apartments, Paphos, Cyprus, for the first week of November for me and my eldest son at a total cost of £571 plus airport tax. My personal travel advisor Johnny Bond, of Latesun Ltd, demanded a deposit of £57.10, which I paid to him on September 3rd. Imagine my alarm when I turned on the television the next day and heard you telling the House of Commons that Saddam Hussein could attack Cyprus with his Weapons of Mass Destruction within forty-five minutes!
I immediately rang Johnny Bond and cancelled the holiday. (With only forty-five minutes’ warning, I could not risk being on the beach and out of earshot of a possible Foreign Office announcement.)
My problem is this, Mr. Blair. Latesun Ltd are refusing to refund my deposit unless I furnish them with proof:
that Saddam Hussein has a stockpile of Weapons of Mass Destruction,
that he can deploy them within forty-five minutes, and
that the can reach Cyprus.
Johnny Bond, who was, according to his colleagues, ‘away from his desk’ yesterday (I suspect that he was on the Stop the War march), has dared to question the truth of your statement to the House!
Would it be possible to send a handwritten note confirming the threat to Cyprus, so that I can pass it on to Johnny Bond and therefore retrieve my deposit? I can ill afford to lose £57.10.
I remain, sir,
Adrian Mole
PS I wonder if you would ask your wife, Cherie, if she would agree to be the guest speaker at the Leicestershire and Rutland Creative Writing Group’s Literary Dinner on December 23rd this year. Will Shelf has turned us down – rather curtly, in fact. We don’t pay a fee or expenses but I think she would find us a lively and stimulating group.
Anyway, Mr. Blair, keep up the good work.

Wednesday, May 16

**Days before Exam

  • You remember to clean your room
  • You remember to rearrange your entire wardrobe
  • You get more creative ideas that you just have to do it as if it was the last day in earth
  • You remember you have to call your friend after 5 months
  • You remember that there is a book lying and waiting for you to read
  • You remember to drink zillion glasses of water/cups of coffee, tea or even both.
  • You remember to help your mum with something she asked a month ago
  • Suddenly all the interesting series seems to broadcast in TV, even though you never follow them.
  • You go to the bathroom every ten minutes, even if it was just to look yourself at the mirror.
  • Your hands/feet/lips gets completely dry, need lotion/Vaseline!!
  • Shower twice a day sounds great, maybe even more.
  • You sort your e-mail box
  • *Yawn* And it's only 9pm
  • You crave for food every half an hour, but then you never eat.
  • You fantasize about your dream holiday/house/wedding/carrier/man
  • You socialize more with family.
  • You remember to update your blog!!!!

**This implies only certain type of people