One hour to go and my life will completely change, I wont see myself as a my parents child anymore. I will be an adult!
A part of me, was holding myself back from even coming home. Could feel how my legs wanted to go backwards instead of front. Kept on pushing as if I had the world chained to my legs. But if I stopped walking maybe then everything would remain the same? But I know there is no way out of this, so I need to embrace adulthood. But how do I embrace it?
By looking up in the sky and in one breath say everything I have to say and puff! I am an adult?! I might create an earthquake or I just might pass with a lovely breeze in a sunny day.
Where ever this leads me, a part of me knows that it's time.
Friday, June 27
Monday, April 7
I am my own island!
Yesterday while speaking to Halima Apa, we got into the discussion about culture. As I am the best example when it comes to it, a person that is grown up in two different cultures, still unaware of which one to call mine. So while explaining myself I came to the conclusion that I had created my own culture!
Problem:
There are three types of immigrants from my point of view; the ones who adapt to the environment, the ones who choose to remain being visitors and then the last ones those who are like me, two feet in different boats.
Being born in one place and being raised by a different culture has taken the spark out of me. Always in search of belonging somewhere, either I am too exotic for the pale people or I am too pale for the exotic ones, and ironically both of them have the very same question: “Where are you from?” And there is no satisfying answer to it, because when I’m pale I should have said exotic and when I change to exotic then I should have said pale. So am I pale exotic or exotic pale?!
It’s very common for people with similar background to choose a dominant culture and follow that. But what happens when you choose to have it 50%-50%, because I don’t see myself as a Swedish nor do I see myself as a Bangali “second generation immigrant”. Yes, I have a label too given by my dear society! So what do I do?
Solution:
I jump into the sea and swim away to a deserted island and call myself, Shakia. No longer do I have the need of belonging somewhere in society. I am the person I was destined to be, a mix of everything.
Problem:
There are three types of immigrants from my point of view; the ones who adapt to the environment, the ones who choose to remain being visitors and then the last ones those who are like me, two feet in different boats.
Being born in one place and being raised by a different culture has taken the spark out of me. Always in search of belonging somewhere, either I am too exotic for the pale people or I am too pale for the exotic ones, and ironically both of them have the very same question: “Where are you from?” And there is no satisfying answer to it, because when I’m pale I should have said exotic and when I change to exotic then I should have said pale. So am I pale exotic or exotic pale?!
It’s very common for people with similar background to choose a dominant culture and follow that. But what happens when you choose to have it 50%-50%, because I don’t see myself as a Swedish nor do I see myself as a Bangali “second generation immigrant”. Yes, I have a label too given by my dear society! So what do I do?
Solution:
I jump into the sea and swim away to a deserted island and call myself, Shakia. No longer do I have the need of belonging somewhere in society. I am the person I was destined to be, a mix of everything.
Saturday, March 8
Monday, February 11
Friday, November 23
Shakia
Trip is less then a week ahead, I am really looking forward of it, though I have no clue of what to expect, though I expect to have fun... I can at least reassure myself of having a good time with Nanz. So much to do before that... :-s
Besides from that, my parents have decided to call me by “Bushra” again, an attempt of Ammu from when I was four. As she wasn’t much fond of the name Shakia (given by Abbu) so she gave me an unregistered “middle name”. The Bushra period lasted about a year or so, but leaving some marks, precisely leaving two family friends calling me that even now. Recently my mum spoke to one of them and the name Bushra is back on my parent’s lips. My dad is suggesting me to change my name to Bushra S. Khan, according to him “it might bring changes in me”. It’s like chopping off my heart and putting someone else’s in my body.
All these years I’ve been in frustration with my name, people give me the looks by reading/saying Shakia. Times when always a long silence came before uttering my name, which was often pronounced wrong. And having at least a 5 minutes discussion about it. For some reason my name has been a beginning for great conversations with strangers.
After Shakira got into MTV, people started to call me Shakira than Chiqita (don’t ask me, but yes there have been people calling me that).
But now I love my name more than anything, it’s who I am.
Besides from that, my parents have decided to call me by “Bushra” again, an attempt of Ammu from when I was four. As she wasn’t much fond of the name Shakia (given by Abbu) so she gave me an unregistered “middle name”. The Bushra period lasted about a year or so, but leaving some marks, precisely leaving two family friends calling me that even now. Recently my mum spoke to one of them and the name Bushra is back on my parent’s lips. My dad is suggesting me to change my name to Bushra S. Khan, according to him “it might bring changes in me”. It’s like chopping off my heart and putting someone else’s in my body.
All these years I’ve been in frustration with my name, people give me the looks by reading/saying Shakia. Times when always a long silence came before uttering my name, which was often pronounced wrong. And having at least a 5 minutes discussion about it. For some reason my name has been a beginning for great conversations with strangers.
After Shakira got into MTV, people started to call me Shakira than Chiqita (don’t ask me, but yes there have been people calling me that).
But now I love my name more than anything, it’s who I am.
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